you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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