We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
