i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
