So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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