I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
