Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
