She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
