I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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