I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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