If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
