A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
