ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
