you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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