Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
