Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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