he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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