i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think your dad took our porno
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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