2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am puke
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Barsexuality is the new black.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
