i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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