Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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