and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
