last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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