One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
