haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
