I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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