Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
