Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
