apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
