Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
