Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
