There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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