A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need to calm my uterus...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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