my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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