i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
