2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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