I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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