Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
