she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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