I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
