I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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