after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
