The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
