my mouth tastes like poor choices
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
