i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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