drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
