so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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