Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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