Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
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