Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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