I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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