and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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