I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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