to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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