i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
